Freakin' (Vertical) Beer Mile, Dude!

Yesterday was the 20th Towers session of the year, so to cap of a great season on the hill, we set out to conquer the infamous beer mile. Traditionally done on a track, we figured it would be much more exciting and generally more hardcore if we did it on the Fort Collins Trail Runners' track: The Big Hill.

Pete's nutrition plan hangs from his neck.

The route went from the Nomad intersection to the Loggers intersection, which according to various GPS devices is exactly, or just a touch over a mile with 700 feet of vertical climb. To add to the general epicness of the event, we received our first real snow dump of the year in the 24 hours prior, and it was still coming down as the silliness got underway, oh and the thermometers were reading a chilly 10 degrees.

The Beer Mile Start

There were three race divisions among the 10 assembled runners: men, women, relay. Competing in the boys' race were myself, Pete (who had been playing up his drinking prowess for weeks), Alex, Slusher, and Bryan; in the girls' race Celeste, being the only entrant appeared to be the odds on favorite; while in the relay, the remaining girls (Marie Helene, Mary, Ean and Jennifer) would run the course together taking turns on the beer-consumption aspect of the race.

Beers were placed at quarter mile intervals up the hill, and a finish line was marked off in the snow at the Loggers signpost. At the top, Pete described the quarter mile penalty lap (a further quarter mile of running up the hill) that would be mandatory for anyone who blew chunks.

From the gun, Pete managed to live up to his pre-race talk by getting his first beer down a good ten seconds before Alex and I. By the quarter mile mark, I had pulled within five seconds of Pete, who appeared to be in a spot of early trouble. Despite some thunderous belches, I was finding that the beers were going down well, and that the running-with-a-gut-full-of-beer part was actually not too bad. I out-drank Pete by a landslide on beer number two, and headed out for the halfway point with a clear lead.

Official photographer, Mindy, was manning the third aid station (with perhaps the brightest headlight known to man), and she had an appetizing line-up of beers on offer. I was probably halfway done with my penultimate beer by the time the second bead of light appeared on the scene. To mine and Mindy's surprise, it was Alex, not Pete, followed soon after by Slusher. There was chatter of rainbow arcs and snow tigers at the second aid: Pete was clearly in trouble.

With the third beer down and a big lead, it was just a question of keeping the frothy mess down during the big half-mile climb to the finish. Ean was at the final beer station, camera in hand, and let me tell you that last beer was a true pleasure. As I was finishing up my 48th ounze of frothy Coors nastiness, Alex pulled in with what looked like a commanding lock on second.

Look at that form!

Alex nears the finish line

Belching all the way, I crossed the Loggers finish line with my lunch intact in a standard-setting 18:25. Alex crossed in 19:50, breaking the 20 minute mark comfortably. Third overall, in perhaps the most impressive performance of the night, was Celeste who had posted a strong back half to overtake her husband Slusher between beer three and four.

Performance of the night. Celeste outruns, outdrinks and outplays her husband.

Bryan in fourth

Slush in fifth

Indeed Slusher ended up being edged out by Bryan for fourth in an exciting slow-motion sprint for the finish. The relay team posted an impressive sixth-place finish and then we all hung around at the top waiting for Pete to finish off his penalty quarter and claim his wooden spoon.

Just the one beer for Jennifer!

If you're going to make one Towers appearance the whole year, I guess you should make it this one. Marie runs a strong leg for the relay team.

Alex and Ean

The descent on the cushy carpet of snow, in a semi-inebriated state was quite the ride, and more than a few spills were taken by most.

Back at Soderberg safe and sound.